WHAT AM I DOING?!-AM I OUT OF MY MIND?

WHAT AM I DOING?-AM I OUT OF MY MIND?

The time right now is 9:47 PM. Today is the day before my English essay is due as well as the day before economics final. And I sit here, writing this blog post, wondering what I am doing right now.

This year has been overly hectic. Right after I came back from Habitat for Humanity, I soon went to BEIMUN and most recently I went to England. After the wonderful England trip (which I never got a chance to write about in my blog post☹), I was left to study for the AP Biology test. And after that AP test, I had to prepare for SAT IIs. (P.S.: I “had” to, but I never did) And now one day after I took two SAT IIs, I’m writing this blog post and am virtually hopeless about my upcoming finals and especially my Jane Eyre essay.

I wonder why I’ve been putting off my studying for so long. Why didn’t I study yesterday night? Why didn’t I start planning a little early, perhaps even last week? I feel shameful and mad. But I know that it’s too late to regret. In approximately 9 hours, I’ll have to hand in my unsatisfied English essay to turnitin.com. And in approximately 10 hours, I’ll be crying over the entire economics test I could barely solve.

I guess it’s time. Time for me to wipe my tears off, slap my self to comeback to reality. It’s time for me to start fixing the English essay; it’s time for me to open my Economics textbook to face the reality. And It’s time for me to admit the reality that awaits me tomorrow…

« THE NOT-SO-PERFECT POST

THE NOT-SO-PERFECT POST

WARNING: If you are a perfectionist, you might be annoyed by this NOT-SO-PERFECT POST. Thank you.

The annoying kid in algebra class that cried over his A minus; your sister who takes hours and hours in the bathroom getting ready for a date; or your mother who groans about the couch pillow being out of place. Everyone’s known at least one perfectionist. You just want to ask them, “Why does everything have to be so perfect with you?”

So, in this blog post, let us define perfectionism, explore the pitfalls of perfectionism, and lastly discuss how to combat perfectionism.

THE DEFINITION

Vancouver psychologist Paul Hewitt after studying perfectionists for the past 14 years figured out three perfectionist types:

Self oriented perfectionists who believe they must be perfect due to self-satisfaction,

other oriented perfectionists who want others to be flawless

and lastly socially prescribed perfectionists who feel they must be perfect because someone might be watching.

THE PROBLEM

At this point, some of you may ask “what’s so bad about being so ‘PERFECT’ at something?’ And this is the answer. In this fast moving world, adaptability is a key to survival. One has to be flexible in all situations even though some situations might not always go as you planned. However, Perfectionism rigidifies behavior. Rather than coping with conflicts and problems, perfectionists become success slaves. This keeps people from being engaged on challenging experiences. Risks are difficult when you are busy perfecting something. Practice makes perfect. But the most detrimental problems that arise from perfectionism are the risks of various illnesses.

Perfect irony isn’t it?  Due to high anxiety produced by the desire to appear or be perfect, perfectionists disproportionately suffer from psychological problems such as depression, alcoholism, social phobia, obsessive-compulsive disorder and even suicide. Moreover, according to the BBC’s Melissa Jackson, perfectionism goes beyond just simply posing a threat to an individual’s health, it risks other people’s lives as well.

SOLUTION

But ultimately the question comes down to this, “how do you fix your own perfectionism?” After consulting several self-help books and too many websites to count, I synthesized six simple steps.

1.    Remove yourself from competition: Don’t make life harder than it already is.  Try being surrounded by people who are supportive rather than competitive.

2.    Do a reality check: try your best to distinguish realistic expectations from unrealistic ones.

4.    Show your weaknesses

3.    Celebrate your mistakes: OK, OK. Celebrate might be overdoing it, so start with just accepting your mistakes. Realize that mistakes can teach you lessons that cannot be acquired by success.

5.    Break the job down: one of the symptoms of perfectionists is, you know, well, procrastination. Due to their fear of failing in the task, perfectionists bother not to start it.  Don’t try to tackle the different jobs all at once, but instead try to break your tasks down.

6. Believe in redemption: Things don’t always have to be right in your first try. Recognize that there is nothing wrong with the concept of second chance.

CONCLUSION
Right now, it’s 9:30 PM and most of the KIS sophomores probably are struggling to create a “perfect” English essay in midst of studying for other finals. But while, I was struggling to create a perfect English essay, I realized that after all, being perfect doesn’t mean it has to have no flaws. Being perfect simply means that one is willing to give the best of their ability and is able to enjoy the task. So when I finish this blog post and head back to revise my English essay, I’m no longer going to stress about my imperfect abilities, but instead give a pat on my back for ending this English class year with effort and passion. So all those perfectionists out there, why don’t you throw away your false dreams and try the six steps above? Your life might be just a bit easier and happier.

WHAT AM I DOING?!-AM I OUT OF MY MIND? »« YOUTUBE STARS

YOUTUBE STARS

There are many types of stars. Stars on movies, stars on the red carpet, and even stars on the sky! ☺ But the stars I’m writing about today aren’t ordinary stars. They are YOUTUBE STARS. Youtube is an website that has provided a ground for people to show their talents rather that talent is singing, cheerleading, dancing etc… Youtube stars intrigues me so much because it reminds me of how many people in this world is talented. Youtube stars are in fact ordinary people like us, but they still have that courage to share their talent with the world and this fact truly inspires me.

Out of millions of people who continue to post their talents up in youtube, I have some of my favorites and in this blog post, I seek to share some of them with you and what makes them so lovable. ☺

1. KEVJUMBA
I got introduced to this Youtube star by Kristin and ever since I’ve watched every single post of his. He’s hilarious and the one below is one of his funniest posts

Even though he might appear a bit silly for a college student, he uses his talent to a good cause and that’s one reason why I love him so much. His channel named Jumbafund (http://www.youtube.com/jumbafund) donates money depending on the number of views on his video. Currently many organizations such as UNICEF have received this aid and I think it’s amazing how one can use one’s talent to help others. Many people are talented in this world, but few know how to use them to a right cause. In my opinion, talents aren’t given to one to brag about, but instead talents are given to one to use that talent to give back to this world. KEVJUMBA is a good example of how talents SHOULD be used.

P.S.: Click on the Jumbafund link and watch a video. Your one click will raise money for charity! ☺

2. Jennifer Chung

I love her voice and the especially love the songs she writes. I find her songs so easily relatable to my life. One of the songs I got inspired about was the song she wrote about North Korea.

Unification is an issue that I’ve always been passionate about. Many Koreans go against unification for the sole cause that it will drag the Korean economy down, but I believe unification is more than just an issue where we have to weigh the costs and benefits.  It’s ultimately the only way to bring peace to this peninsula and to this world. North Korea and South Korea are the ONLY two countries that continue to be separated in this world. It’s the time throw away that title and to bring the people together. The people who have the same history, the people who speak the same language and the people who have the same heart…

3.    Dan Talesvski/ Alyssa Bernal & Kris Mark/ AJ Rafael

These four individuals are all youtube stars that have amazing singing talents. Their voice always makes me feel better when I’m gloomy. But the thing I love about these individuals is that they love what they do. When you see them singing, you really can see that they love it.

High school often limits students because they have to live in a frame that surrounding people expects them to be in. You have to have a 4.0 GPA. You have to be part of the student council. You have to win awards. Never ending demands like these asks students to sacrifice what they enjoy for the sake of living up to these standards. This is not only true for students, but even for adults. As you graduate college, your boss will expect you to sacrifice your enjoyment for the company and perhaps people’s expectations will just get bigger and bigger.

The fact that these individuals are willing to take part of their time off to do what they enjoy makes me look up to them. And I wish I could be someone like them even in the future who is willing to take a break from the demands of the world and to do what I enjoy.

THE NOT-SO-PERFECT POST »« JUNIORPHOBIA

JUNIORPHOBIA

Juniorphobia: a fear of facing junior year ☺; a symptom often shown in sophomores reaching the end of year

Yes, the end of the year is approaching fast. In one week, we will FINALLY be in summer break. And after summer break, we WILL be juniors rather we want it or not.

Junior year is notorious for being known as THE HIGH SCHOOL’S HELL YEAR. Its nickname explains it all. Juniors don’t get sleep and are aught to live under constant pressure and worries.  How do I know this? It’s largely due to my lovely pre-calculus class. As many of you might be aware, I am currently enrolled in pre-calculus along with juniors and seeing them almost everyday allows me to learn what junior year can do to a student. This is a conversation I had few months ago with a junior in my pre-calculus class named Annie.

Hanna: I’m so tired. I feel like fainting. I slept only 4 hours because of the pre-calculus test.
Annie: What did you say?
Hanna: I’m so tired. I only slept 4 hours!
Annie: OK, Hanna. If you can’t handle the day just because you “only” slept 4 hours, you’re going to have so much trouble next year. I haven’t slept for so long, I don’t even remember the last time I slept over 3 hours.
Hanna: (SILENCE due to shock)

Having these conversations frequently (more than I want it), I realized my fear for junior year kept getting bigger and bigger. But as many say the best way to get over your fear is to share your fear with the public. So I guess I will take this chance to write all I have to say about my fear toward junior year.

The first fear I can easily think of related to junior year is the SATs. Just today, I took two SAT IIs. And let me tell you, preparing for SATs ain’t easy. The biggest reason why I ultimately failed this year’s SATs is because I didn’t realize how fast it was approaching. After AP tests, I felt I had enough of studying. I wanted to take a break, but it came out to be my break was way too long.  The day I told myself that I should end my break, I also realized my SATs were being taken the next day. Different from AP tests, projects or tests in school, there are no teacher from the school that will remind you of how close SAT is approaching or the importance of it. This means students have to ultimately learn how to keep up with practicing for SAT tests by themselves while handling schoolwork. And at least for me, I know this will be a great challenge.

Another fear I have about the junior year is the possible disasters that will be brought with my studying habits. TIME is always precious, but it’s even more precious when it comes to the junior year. You need to distribute your time wisely so you can handle millions of different things including after school activities, projects, homework, SATs, researching for colleges etc… On top of that, you need to squeeze “some” time for relaxation and sleep. My studying habits are awful. I always take a nap that is 5 hours long after I come back from school and sometimes I end up watching CSI for so long that I start my homework at 11:00 PM. This studying habit will not work in junior year. I can’t waste my time watching TV shows or lying in my bad for no reason, I have to spend every minute of my time productively. And this ultimate pressure makes me fear for the upcoming year.

When I received my junior year schedule yesterday, I realized how much more work I will have next year than this year. It’s a blunt truth that I often find myself complaining about the workload I currently have and I don’t know how I will be able to handle next year’s workload that is triple times more than now. This is my schedule:

ADVANECED THEATER 1
ADVANCED THEATER 2 PHYSICS
HONORS ENGLISH
CHINESE 3
AP US
AP ECON
AP CALC

With three APs, physics, and honors English, I know I will definitely have to manage my stress. I can no longer spend a whole day depressed just because I did worse in my test than I thought. I can no longer cry over mistakes I made. I need to stand right back up and be in track to do my work.

Perhaps, the biggest fear when it comes to junior year is that EVERYTHING counts. Junior is the ultimate year of college application. When colleges look at your school transcript, junior year will be the first year of reference. One big mistake, one wrong choice you decide to make during a junior year can cost your future to a certain extent. And knowing that junior year can make or break your high school year does make me scared and fearful.

For everyone, junior year will be a “challenge.” And it will definitely be a challenge that will be harder than anything else we have experienced before (at least for some of us like me). But as Bernice Johnson Reagon, a famous historian, once said, “life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.” Even though, I might be little scared to face my junior year, I know it will be another way to find another hidden part of me. Because after all, isn’t high school all about discovering my self?

YOUTUBE STARS »« GEORGE SAMPSON- The Irresistible

GEORGE SAMPSON- The Irresistible

GEORGE SAMPSON. Some of you might have seen his video in youtube and fell in love with him like me. Some of you might have never heard of him, but will soon fall in love with him after seeing the video above. George Sampson was the winner of 2008 Britain’s Got Talent, a famous TV show in England that chooses one person to perform front of the queen.  He’s adorable AND amazing at dancing.

So let me give you some background.

His full name is George William Sampson. He was born in 1993.6.29 and is currently 15 years old.  Before coming on the show of Britain’s Got Talent, George Sampson was a street dancer. Young as he was, many people praised him for his dancing skills. And then in one normal day of 2007, George Sampson’s life slowly started to change and this started when his dancing teacher informed him of an audition in progress down the street. Later, George confessed that he wasn’t even aware that this audition was for Britain’s Got Talent. But unfortunately, when he auditioned at 2007, two of the three judges weren’t satisfied with his performance, thus he failed to move on to the finals.  Even with this disappointment, George didn’t give up, but instead spent more hours in practicing for his dance.  And then he came back strong to the competition one year later. This time the crowd went crazy. I mean, CRAZY. The whole nation fell in love with him as well as the judges. And then, he won the big prize by coming first place in the competition.

The thing I like so much about George Sampson more than his looks and dancing skills is the fact that he didn’t give up. Sometimes, when pursuing your dream, you feel like you have come to an end and that you have no choice but to give up. George Sampson is a representative example that succeeded by overcoming this temptation. He was the guy that reminded us of Margaret Thatcher’s quote that reads, “You may have to fight a battle more than once to win.”  So all of you out there who feel like giving up, STAND STRONG and realize how George Sampson came to achieve his ultimate dream.

JUNIORPHOBIA »« SUICIDE. SCARY BUT COMMON.

SUICIDE. SCARY BUT COMMON.

Suicide is a scary word, but it’s also a word that is so often used in the news these days. Starting from celebrities to the recent death of the Korea’s ex-president Roh Mu Hyun, suicide has almost become a common happening in Korea. So in this blog post, I hope to share with you the three biggest suicides that ever happened in Korean history and what people learned from each of these unfortunate deaths.

1.    The Death of Lee Eun Ju/ the first suicide that was dealt extensively in the Korean media
Before February 22nd of 2005, suicide was an issue that was not publicly shared in any forms of media. The reason to this was Korea’s cultural values in which suicide was considered a disgrace in the family as well as the nation. But when Lee Eun Ju, a popular actress committed suicide in one winter day of 2005, the nation was turned upside down. Everywhere you go, you were aught see her name alongside with the word “suicide”. Many questioned why this young, beautiful actress with fame and money would ever think about taking her life away. And this attention brought about a lot of speculations about the cause of her death. The commonly accepted theory was related to her symptoms of depression. As her family doctor announced that Lee Eun Ju suffered from depression for the last few years, every one realized that behind the fame celebrities earn, there was a dark side that no one knew about. Who would have expected this young lady who seemed to be adored by the public to suffer from the symptoms of depression? What the death of Lee Eun Ju brought to people’s mind was the fact that neither money nor fame can bring a true happiness within one’s life. A person can be popular and rich, but that doesn’t tell anything about how happy they are.

2.    The Death of Jang Ja Hyun /scandals behind the entertainment management business
The death of Jang Ja Hyun, a relatively new TV star, was a beyond a simple suicide committed by a celebrity, instead it created a scandal that exposed what’s actually happening in the entertainment management business. Jang Ja Hyun left a important document before she left this world. This document is often referred as the “Jang Ja Hyun” list and consists names of officials in entertainment management business that sexually harassed her. She stated in her will that these were people who drove her to choose death over life. She further explained that the only way to become a star was to comply with the official’s sexual demands. This list showed people how modern, selfish society prompts high ranked officials to put their pleasure over the rights of others.

3.    The Death of Roh Mu Hyun/ the death caused by foolish political tension
Few weeks ago, Roh Mu Hyun was called to the court due to the bribery he received during his presidency. Even though there were several Korean presidents charged in a similar case before, the calling of Roh Mu Hyun to the court became a bigger issue as it seemed that Roh Mu Hyun was being treated much more harshly during the trial procedures more than any other Korean presidents of the past. It seemed as if the current government was determined to throw Roh Mu Hyun’s dignity to the ground. Dignity of a politician is vital than another jobs; to have one’s political dignity taken away will mean that a person can never come back to take a political position since there will be no respect coming from the citizens. Knowing this, Roh Mu Hyun committed suicide in 23rd of May in a small mountain located near his hometown. Since his death, citizens have been continuing to criticize the current president, Lee Myung Bak. Many blame him for taking away Roh Mu Hyun’s political dignity to fulfill his own power since Roh Mu Hyun belonged to an opposite party as his.  Many claim that even though Mr.Roh will never come back to life, citizens have to work together to earn his political dignity back by getting an apology from the current government.

These thee unfortunate deaths taught us about how scary the modern world is. It is full of depression, selfishness, greed and meaningless political schemes. Perhaps the only way to not waste the death of these people is to admit the dark side of our society and to live on to fix those dark patches.

GEORGE SAMPSON- The Irresistible »« SETTING PRIORITIES

SETTING PRIORITIES

Things I FAIL at:
1.    Pulling an all-nighter (Haven’t you read my “all I want to do is sleep” blog post?)
2.    Time management (PLAY HARD and start homework at 11:00PM)
3.    Acing my physical fitness exam (Does effort count?)
4.    Pre-Cal exam (Sorry, Ms.Osborne!)
5.    Writing a “stratifying” piece of writing. (Sorry, Mr.Stephens!)
6.    Not logging into facebook for a day (Facebook addiction: a common symptom for all teenagers around the world; IT’S NOT ONLY ME!)
7.    Not eating sweets and ice cream for a day (How can anyone live without sugars and ice cream?)
8.    Reading FAST. (ONE HOUR=ONE CHAPTER)

Fine. I guess I can say I fail at many things. But if I have to add one major failure into this list, it will definitely be “setting priorities.” You see, this world offers so many things for us like hundreds of school activities.  How can you possibly choose between MUN, speech& debate, habitat for humanity, National Honor Society, drama and mock trial? So my solution for the past years was to do EVERYTHING. But recently, I realized that this is an impossible option since JUNIOR hell year is coming up. ☹ So, I decided my biggest goal for next year is “SETTING PRIORITIES” and started to research how I can do this.

One effective method I found was the matrix system. NO WORRIES, it’s nothing to do with math. ☺

Basically, this system works like this. You divide your work/activities into four categories:

1.    Important and urgent

2.    Important, not urgent

3.    Not important, urgent

4.    Not important, not urgent
And you start doing tasks according their urgency and importance. I found this highly effective, because often times, we start doing things we like to do rather than doing what we need to do. It made me become more conscious about the decisions I make everyday. For example, before logging in Facebook, I stopped and asked my self, ‘is this urgent? Is this important?’ The answer was No, and consequently I restrained my self from logging in to my account and instead turned myself to look at my biology textbook. Of course, there might be times I choose to ignore the matrix system and choose to do things that aren’t important nor urgent.     But I guess the most important lesson this matrix system taught me was that I can control my self and I can definitely choose to set priorities. So anyone who happen to read this post, next time you start your day, STOP AND REMIND yourself of TWO simple words, “URGENCY AND IMPORTANCE.”

SUICIDE. SCARY BUT COMMON. »« WHAT’S ON MY MIND?

WHAT’S ON MY MIND?

Sometimes, I feel like writing down everything that is on my mind. But since that is impossible, why don’t I just cut it down to writing five things on my mind?

WARNING: this post disregards all traits of writing, especially grammar. Note the fact that the author is just free writing what she’s thinking.

1.    I really love the song I’m listening to right now ☺. The singer’s voice is beautiful. I wish I had a talent in singing. One thing I would have really loved is to have a beautiful singing voice. I really wish I can go to the nearby karaoke RIGHT NOW with Kristin and go CRAZY like any other high school girls do when they are stressed.

The Way I am

2.    I’m so stressed! AP BIO. AP BIO. AP BIO. I want to get that score 5 SO BAD. But I know I don’t even deserve to say that I’m stressed because I haven’t even put much effort to AP these last few weeks.  AND guys, I’m not lying about this! I’M SERIOUS!
3.    Why don’t people believe me when I say I didn’t even look at my AP Bio textbook for so long? I’M NOT LYING. ☹ I feel so bad having to say this in my blog post. But oh well, I’m just writing everything down spontaneously as I think.
4.    I know if I go to lie down on my bed right now for few minutes, I’m going to fall asleep and fail in my econ test. But nonetheless, I can’t resist myself wanting to go to bed.
[Thinking to my self]
Good Hanna: Hanna, I can’t believe you’re thinking about going to bed. You went to bed at 9:30 PM for this whole week! You better keep yourself awake! Do you want to do badly on your econ exam?
Bad Side of Hanna:  You should give yourself a break. 9:30 PM isn’t that early. You should sleep and grow.

HAHA. That reminds me of Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde. DO NOT SAY I’M A NERD.

5.    This post is so random. But I feel better now that I wrote down what I’m thinking. Maybe, I should go to sleep. I’m a human after all, not a robot. ARG! AP SCORE. ☹

SETTING PRIORITIES »« ALL I WANT TO DO IS SLEEP

ALL I WANT TO DO IS SLEEP

I really really really LOVE to sleep. If I can, all I want to do is to take a week off and sleep for the whole time. I truly believe humans should hibernate! But I guess the reason why I love to sleep so much is because I lack sleep. (At least that’s what I think)

I sleep for an average of 8 hours a day. (6 usually at night and 2 for a nap) Of course, this is quite a lot in the “KIS” standards of sleep. Most of my friends sleep 5 hours if they are lucky. But I really do believe, I need more sleep and through this post, I hope to seek out some solutions.

I’m guessing the first thing I can do is to take advantage of my weekend. What always happens is I play on Saturday saying that I should give my self some slack and then realize at 9:00 PM on Sunday that I have a project due along with 2 tests and 1 quiz. NOT GOOD, it makes me exhausted and forces me to start the Monday with droopy eyes.

The next thing I can probably do is to quit facebook or block youtube. Youtube distracts me so much because once I start watching a video about something I’m interested in, it recommends me a related movie clip. So in the end, I end up watching thousands of cheerleading video clips for hours and hours.

The third solution that can be posed for my lack of sleep is to quit naps. Naps that I take saying that I will just sleep for an hour end up being 4 hours like today, so I get to sleep later in night and feel even more tired.

So, after writing these solutions, it seems the time is 1:30 AM. The best solution as of now I think is to shut this computer down and go to bed. GOOD NIGHT.

WHAT’S ON MY MIND? »« NFL. MIRACLE.

NFL. MIRACLE.

Kristin and I wearing last year’s NFL shirt

This Saturday was the D-DAY, the Korean Qualifier for the National Forensic League that will be held in Alabama this year. Kristin and I couldn’t help feeling nervous. This was just not a simple speech and debate tournament, it was an opportunity that reminded us of so many pleasant memories of last year.  Kristin and I have been participating in duo acting since the second semester of freshman year. National Forensic League is the biggest and the most competitive speech and debate tournament held in United States. Currently, only Korea and Singapore is invited as a competitor through the organization called International Debate Educational Association. To go to NFL was a huge honor for us as a freshman last year and the things we learned from the fellow high school students we saw were priceless. Kristin and I promised at the end of last year’s NFL to come again. But now that we were actually in the qualifier once again, we couldn’t help feeling nervous. And when we saw the two of the strongest duo acting teams coming into the registration room, it seemed the possibility of us keeping our promise was gone long ago. As more rounds were held, it seemed even more apparent that we would definitely not make it. So our decision was to leave the tournament earlier since it was going to be delayed until 8:00 PM due to other events. (Duo acting rounds ended at 3:00) So we off went to see a movie that was about friendship called Bride War.  After the movie, Kristin and I said to each other that even though we didn’t made it, it was O.K because our friendship became so much stronger as we practiced together. Then, my phone bell started to ring. I got the phone and my mom screamed that we got 1st place. I couldn’t believe it; Kristin couldn’t either. In fact, Kristin and I asked my mom the question, “really?” five times. The happiness we experienced this Saturday was not simple victory, but it was a miracle.

With new friends in last year’s NFL held in Las Vegas:) (Look at the height difference!)

Team KIS: Hanna, Kristin, Sejin and Ms.Porter

With the representatives of UTAH

P.S.: Are you curious to see what the events are like or how the competition works? Take a look at the video below!

HIGH LIGHTS FROM LAST YEAR’S NFL

watch?v=WxEp_wB2fkk

DUO ACTING (this is what Kristin and I do)

watch?v=0Z7BNgIVC98

watch?v=tP35wdNbdo4

ALL I WANT TO DO IS SLEEP »« CTY: Center for Talented Youth = OFFICIAL NERD CAMP